Posts Tagged ‘conflict resolution’

Managing Difficult People and Steps 3 to 4

Tuesday, April 13th, 2010


Managing difficult people
and the 12 steps in planning and preparation is something we talked about in the previous difficult people post. We considered Steps 1 and 2 in the previous post, let’s learn more about Steps 3 and 4.



STEP 3 IN CHANGING YOUR MINDSET

We have often discussed the power of your mind in relation to dealing with difficult people. Most often we consider these really difficult people to be a big problem. They are seen as frustrating, demanding and very stressful. However, if you decide to change your mindset and outlook, you will change the way you then respond in handling difficult people. What if you decide that the difficult people that come into your life are not problems but challenges for you? They are there for you to learn some very important lessons and challenge yourself to deal with difficult people now and in the future.



STEP 4 IN CHANGING YOUR RESPONSES TO OTHERS

When you change your mindset, then this automatically changes your responses in dealing with people. If you look upon it all as a challenge then you will look for new ways to change your responses and behavior to meet these challenges. Your altered outlook will ensure that you are now searching for more effective strategies in handling difficult people.



MORE IDEAS IN DEALING WITH PEOPLE

In our next post we’ll explore more ideas on the 12 steps for you in your personal and working life and managing difficult people.





DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE AND USING LAUGHTER AS A STRATEGY

Saturday, March 6th, 2010



Dealing with difficult people and more difficult people ideas…



In the previous difficult people post, this was the question again that Andrew needed assistance with in dealing with difficult people who are supposedly his friends…



THE QUESTION AGAIN FROM ANDREW

“I’m quite sensitive and have friends who pick on me sometimes. I feel they do so because I usually don’t answer back. I have one friend who constantly makes reference to my receding hairline, and when he does so I turn bright red and go quiet. How do I handle this person without discussing the subject? (which I am a little sensitive on!)”.



ONE IDEA ON COPING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

There are many suggestions that can be made to help Andrew cope and deal with difficult people such as this. But let’s start with one idea to change the situation dramatically. It will mean discussing the subject but it can be a very powerful strategy in dealing with people.



USING LAUGHTER AS A POWERFUL STRATEGY

Here is what you can do Andrew. Surf the internet and look for a story on “balding men being more attractive to women”. You will surely find a story along those lines. As there is no doubt that certain women find men who have receding hairlines or are bald as more attractive than those will a full head of hair.



USING THE STORY TO DIFFUSE DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Once you find such a story print it out.  Then aim to make light of this person’s comments next time they make a comment about your receding hairline.  It is important that you use humor and laughter and not come across as sensitive to his comments.  You’ll probably need to practise what and how you say it when they next make the comment next time about your lack of hair.



YOU NEED TO CONSIDER HOW TO LOSE YOUR HAIR

So next time this difficult person makes disparaging remarks about your receding hairline.  Stop them and say something like this… “You know Joe, you might not be aware but there’s a lot of research that suggests that many women are attracted to men with receding hairlines or who are bald.  I’ve got a great study here that you should read.  It might be time for you to realise that my lack of hair is actually a real  magnet for women”.



MOVE ON IN HANDLING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Hand him the article and walk away, saying “read this” as you go.  Don’t wait for a response, just leave him to read the article.  Then every time he mentions your hair again remind him again what a magnet you and other men can be with receding or no hair for women.



TAKING THE WIND OUT OF THE SAILS OF DIFFICULT PEOPLE

To ensure that this strategy works you must use humor and make light of the situation.  When you don’t react and make light of the very thing that this person previously used to upset you, you take the wind out of their sails.  You have actually taken a supposedly negative characteristic and changed it to a very, very positive characteristic for you.  So give it a go Andrew, you’ll be surprised how effective using humor can be for you.



DEALING WITH PEOPLE PACKAGES FOR YOU

We’ll consider another strategy for Andrew in dealing with this upsetting, frustrating and annoying difficult person in the next blog post.  But for now, if you are dealing with difficult people then you could use our DEALING WITH PEOPLE PACKAGES as part of our PREMIUM MEMBERSHIP opportunity.    You’ll become a master at Dealing with Difficult People.





DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE AND VERY POWERFUL WORDS ON DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010



Dealing with difficult people and more ideas about difficult people for you…


COPING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY SYSTEM

After the previous posts about how to deal with difficult people in the family system.  These thoughts were sent in by Katherine.   As they were included in a previous post you might have missed them so I wanted to make sure you had a chance to see what Katherine had to say…



WISE WORDS FROM KATHERINE

I have found controlling, co-dependent people a real big challenge.  Having grown up in this environment and deciding to make changes over a number of years in myself (as these changes do not come easy) the task has been extremely difficult.  Especially with family members and partners .. .



COMMENT FROM DR JUDY

Katherine is especially right about how hard it can be with those closer to you such as family members and partners.  As compared to dealing with difficult people at work.  Why?  Because these people know all the right buttons to push for you, since they often know you better than acquaintances and work colleagues.



GO ON KATHERINE WE’RE ALL LISTENING

This year the red flags were so strong I became quite anxious when I didn’t listen to my warning bells.  I am now having to learn to tell people exactly how their actions affect me and what I am willing to put up with and am not.   It is the most difficult thing I have had to do ever.



COMMENT FROM DR JUDY

What Katherine is doing is establishing what I often call, her ’stress boundaries’.  These boundaries are very important to looking after you and reducing your stress.  It is very challenging to do, especially if others are not used to you saying assertively what you will or will not do for them.



MORE THOUGHTS FROM KATHERINE

No more distancing behaviours, angry outbursts.  I have to be clear and non-judgmental and then let the other person try to change.  I have lost a partner and a couple of friends…but those who have listened and thanked me for advising – our relationships have become stronger.  I feel more empowered…but I still have bouts of insomnia and anxiety after doing this.  I hope it will diminish as I become accustomed to asking for my needs to be met.



YOU GO KATHERINE – THAT IS GREAT STUFF

The clearer you become about your boundaries and your needs then the more empowered you become.  There are some people who will never adapt to you speaking up and looking after you. Although, I don’t know the details of the situations you have described, your commitment to yourself now is wonderful.  You go for it and you’ll gain more confidence as you go.



WHAT ABOUT YOU IN COPING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE?

Any thoughts you would like to share on dealing with difficult people?  Any comments about what Katherine has shared?  We’d be delighted to read your thoughts so click on the comments button below and add your words of wisdom.



MORE ADVANCED IDEAS ON DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Do you need more advanced ideas on dealing with people, especially those very frustrating people at work and in your personal life?  Then do make sure to check out our PREMIUM MEMBERSHIP opportunities and our great DEALING WITH PEOPLE packages right now.  The benefits are great for you at this link http://nodifficultpeople.com/products.htm